You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
