i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
