I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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