I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
