so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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