Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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