all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
