what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
