U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
