Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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