Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
