so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize