already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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