Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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