wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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