My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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