I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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