So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
