Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
