and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
