He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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