Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize