and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
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Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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