I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
