She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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