Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
