Your mouth is God's brothel.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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