just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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