why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
