I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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