um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
