I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
