i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
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Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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