I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
