I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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