My room smells like vodka and shame
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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