There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
