all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
