I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
whose ass print is on the piano?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
