After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
