Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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