There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
