We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
