Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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