ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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