Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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