You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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