:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
