**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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