my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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