Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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