Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
