I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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