im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I understand Curling. That high.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
