hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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