i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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