i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
