I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
