Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
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You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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