You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
