woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
