Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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