Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
