i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
