My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
