im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
