it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
