even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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