I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
