You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
