fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
