So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
