you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
