so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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