your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
