Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
