I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
