Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
