is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
