I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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