It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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